Clouds of the Blue Sky
by Freefan1412
Summary: PreSeed to post Destiny. Drabbles and missing scenes with all kinds of characters. Character musings and impressions. 23: Miriallia and the problem of revenge 24: disaster for not just Neo 25: The Terror of ZAFT 26: Athrun is being torn 27: The shock of Justice is the greatest yet by far 28: Lady Lacus' Legend 29: Luna feels guiltily troubled 30: Choices are important to Kira too
1. Not easy

Characters: Kira Yamato

Pairings: None

Word count: 263

* * *

Not easy

* * *

His life is not easy.

Kira Yamato is a Coordinator.

His life is not bad.

With his mother and father he is living in a neutral colony. He has a few friends, a good education, and a professor that buries him in work.

His life is happy.

His parents love him and he loves them and their relationship is admirable for a teenager his age. Joking together, learning together, helping each other, teasing and having fun with his friends are daily happenings. Studying advanced programming and simulation is something he enjoys and things only get awkward occasionally when the professor gives him work he needs done and only Kira has to do because of his genetic status.

Yet.

Despite it there is only one person he would call his best friend. Kira misses him.

He takes Tori with him everywhere, cares for the little creation greatly and hardly a day passes when he doesn't wonder how Athrun is doing. In his home he has pictures form when he was still living on the moon. From before Athrun had to move. He sees them every day, just like Tori.

He _misses_ his best friend.

There are days he wonders if he is ever going to see him again and regret, that they hadn't managed to stay in contact, clouds his mind.

Kira doesn't like those days.

He much rather likes to watch Tori when he thinks of Athrun. It distracts him and reminds him of more happy memories.

He still misses Athrun.

And wonders if Athrun misses him, too.


	2. Welcome Duel

Characters: Yzark Jule, Dearka Elsman

Pairings: None

Word count: 248

Time frame: GS ep 50

* * *

Welcome Duel

* * *

"I don't want to go to the freaking Legged Ship! I'm no deserter!"

A strangled sigh full of exasperation transmits even through the damaged system of the Buster. _"Look, do you see any other friendly ship around here? Just drop me off, have the Duel recharged and repaired and be gone."_

"I ain't setting no foot on that ship of Naturals!"

_"Then what do you suppose to do? Drift around in the Duel until someone comes by?"_

In the end it comes down to what is more humiliating; being found floating around helplessly or having Naturals put their incompetent brains to work to repair the machine they have built in the first place and surely know how to ruin it not.

Yzark will deny to his dying day that Dearka being wounded and in need of medical assistance might eventually have influenced his opinion just the tiniest bit.

So after he makes the disgracing decision he holes up his indifference so high, he only gives the mechanics a second glance when they don't pay him any mind and throw themselves at the Buster and the Duel like vultures on a pray. Without paying the pilots any attention beyond ushering Dearka off to the sickbay or demanding a clarification on Yzark's motives.

Undisciplined without even the faintest whiff of protocol, Yzark finds this ship of deserted Naturals, the worst combination ever, less disgusting than he has expected.

He does not like that fact.


	3. Three happenings

Characters: None

Pairings: None

Word count: 260

Time frame: post second Battle of Orb

* * *

Three happenings

* * *

_"We were facing the Archangel-"_

A spit in the face.

No one on the _Minerva_ had truly believed in the _Archangel's_ destruction during operation _Angel Down_. Taking both ships' histories into account it was the kind of lucky stroke that simply doesn't happen... Yet, a persistent hopeful whisper of maybe had remained…

Battle-ready appearance at ORB of all places however was unexpected.

_ "-the Freedom-"_

A punch in the gut.

It has been seen, it has been celebrated. The Freedom has been destroyed. Stabbed and exploded. It gave them hope, believe, faith, inspired awe that the Forces have someone more capable than the most legendary champion of the battlefield.

Except it is not true. Freedom is still there, and it still dominates with overwhelming power that even double teamed by the Force's most capable pilots not a scratch is to be put on it. Against all odds, hopes and claims.

Despite it all, Freedom still is.

_"-and you could even say the Justice."_

A stab in the back.

Everyone knows who piloted that suit.

Consequently everyone knows who pilots that suit.

Its appearance hits the _Minerva_ with shock, betrayal and disbelieve.

Athrun Zala was well respected and admired. His demeanor was focus but kind, sometimes a bit awkward. His skills until his destruction were unmatched.

And now?

The Justice is flying again, shooting sharper and more determined than ever. Speed, aggressiveness, precision; an utmost different level of ability. Deployed never for them and only now used without any hesitation.

Athrun Zala is alive and the Justice shoots. At them.


	4. Murrue Ramius and Maria Bernes

Characters: Talia Gladys, Murrue Ramius

Pairings: None

Word count: 352

Time frame: post Angel Down

* * *

Murrue Ramius and Maria Bernes

* * *

_"…security goes before secrecy. Especially for warships..."_

Talia Gladys had thought the chief mechanic in charge of the repairs of her ship to be an incredibly wise woman. The first impression had been good and it had only gone up from there.

Kindly spoken, the other woman was compassionate and understanding of the _Minerva_'s situation and did truthfully her best for support, expecting nothing at all in return. They had connected instantly, and Talia found she appreciated the Morgenröte mechanic on a personal level. It had been as if the woman truthfully understood what she was going through and it wasn't after Orb was long behind them, that Talia wondered if maybe Maria Bernes spoke from experience. Maybe having been once a Captain herself. And maybe being more similar than Talia would have thought.

_"…this is the Captain of the Archangel, Murrue Ramius…."_

Talia hadn't known it, but she found she wasn't surprised. Indeed, had expected it even. It was fitting, somehow.

Knowing who was on board, knowing that the Captain was no evil person to be disposed of;it was deserving of the _Archangel_.

But Talia wondered.

It was the face she knew as Maria Bernes, the voice was the same too, as were the understanding and truthfully believed words.

But the expression was no longer primarily conveying kindness. The woman on the monitor was determined, confident, unrelenting, focused and her tone of voice had changed from softness to steel.

Talia wondered how much of Maria Bernes had been a created mask, erected to very carefully not allow the soldiers from ZAFT know of her truth. She wondered if there was a mask at all. Or if Maria Bernes of Orb was simply Murrue Ramius at peace.

The other Captain believed in her words, believed in her cause, acted on it, and encouraged others to do the same, including Talia herself.

But Talia's knowledge, their similarity and her agreement with the _Archangel_'s Captain made fighting them much more difficult on her.

The _Archangel_ didn't have the same problems, being a ship of deserters.


	5. Eternal Trust

Characters: Lacus

Pairings: None

Word count: 117

Time frame: GSD ep 49

* * *

Eternal trust

* * *

_"…We will now commence the destruction of that unnecessary weapon of mass destruction…"_

It is no threat. It is not an attempt. She states a fact.

The weapon will be destroyed, is what she says. Move out of the way please, she says.

Because it makes no difference if you don't, she says.

And Lady Lacus has never spoken anything but the truth.

From her flagship only two mobile suits launch, but it does not make her warning any less valid. If anything, it is a statement of faith. In her words, in her allies.

It is Justice and Freedom.

Victory or defeat, winning or losing.

The battle will be strenuous, costly, demoralizing and humbling.


	6. Meyrin, of Terminal

Characters: Meyrin Hawke

Parings: None

Word count: 290

Time frame: post Destiny

* * *

Meyrin, of Terminal

* * *

Despite popular believe on the _Minerva_, Meyrin actually doesn't wish she hadn't covered for Athrun when he came to her room.

On the contrary.

She never regretted it and over time she grew proud of what she has done. She _doesn't_ regret deserting ZAFT, fighting against it.

Deserting would always be answered with court-martial and even if all charges were ever dropped, which had been unlikely at the time, a black note would be added to her record and stay with her for life.

Still, Meyrin only regrets fighting against her sister.

She is proud of fighting for what she believed in, of finally doing what she wanted to do. Of not carving to what was expected of her.

She is proud of belonging to the other side, of understanding.

Her friends, who are all happy that she is alive and back and cleared of all charges, do not understand that. What it means to her. Not even Luna does completely. She doubts even Athrun does.

But that is all right.

It is what Meyrin thinks that matters.

That is something she had never been able to believe before.

And so she is now able to tell her friends off when they are bothering her a bit too much and are a bit too persistent. _Her experience and time on the Archangel and the Eternal have happened and they weren't a TV drama with perfection and plot. She doesn't know Lacus-sama's favorite food and while she knows her favorite flowers doesn't mean Meyrin is going to tell. Just because she is friends with Lacus-sama does not mean she will get a signature for anyone. _

Will everyone please stop asking?


	7. Shadows of kindness

Characters: Kira Yamato

Pairings: Implied KiraxLacus

Word count: 212

Time frame: GSD ep 13

* * *

Shadows of kindness

* * *

Kira isn't always absolute forgiving and kind. He tries to be, but sometimes it escapes him, seeping through his fingers like sand in the desert.

One war has broken him into pieces and he built himself back together around three anchors. His best friend, his sister and the girl who is his world.

He finds that picking up the sword she has given him comes easier to him than he has expected, and he is not surprised that he cannot bring himself to feel much compassion or regret when he pulls the trigger.

It is a cruelty that mostly exists only in his mind.

Quickly and merciless, without taking a single life, he wipes all but one out.

One unit, no different from the others, stands surrounded by wreckage of its fellows.

He takes the arms first. Left, right. Then the weapons. Right, left. Then the legs. One after another. One at a time with no hurry until it lies motionlessly, unable to move even the faintest bit.

He leaves an entire squad in scatters and knows they know the hopelessness of their situation, of their lives.

For making Lacus-

_cryinggriefgulit_

For wishing harm on her.

Kira does not regret pulling the trigger.

But he didn't want her attackers to die.


	8. Justice's strike

Characters: Vino Dupre, Yolan Kent

Pairings: None

Word Count: 439

Time frame: GSD ep 43

* * *

Justice's strike

* * *

"Shinn got damaged," Vino whispers to his partner as if afraid the hot headed and short fused pilot far away in the pilots' lounge might hear him.

Disbelieve is blunt in his voice.

Shinn hadn't gotten damaged since _Angel Down_ and when even against Destroys nothing changes, that should be defining.

Irrationally Yolan scurry glances around as well. "…I heard the Freedom is back." His voice hesitant as if he isn't even sure of what he says himself. "I overheard the Captain and the Vice."

Vino stares and then shudders as the implications dawn on him. The Freedom. It doesn't shoot to kill. "You think that did it?"

Yolan looks up shortly from his keyboard. "What else could get Shinn like that?" The clipped response is out of character for him, indicator enough that he too, is scared.

That one unit was legendary for a reason, a whole different level from the fear even the Destroys can evoke. They learned about it in the academy, had seen pictures of it and been told stories along with rare recordings. It never shoots to kill, but even with that relative assurance the machine is a frighteningly intimidating sight to behold.

Destroys can be destroyed, difficult but it is possible. The Freedom? Until Shinn no one managed to get even close to its skill which made the question of destruction moot before it could even be voiced. Something that mysterious and unpredictable was enough to make them relieved when it was gone. Only it isn't. Had never been.

It is back and with _Angel Down_ behind them it is sure thing for it to be the enemy.

It is back and that is terrifying enough to seed fear.

If it can't be destroyed and is the enemy, doesn't that mean that everyone's lives depended on the whim of the pilot of an enemy machine?

Because suddenly the question of its destruction is nonexistent again.

"And the Archangel, too." Vino and Yolan don't feel like being it, but they are glad the Minerva is seen as just as famous as that ship. Because they have learned in the academy and first impressions stay a long time. "Who would have thought that we ended up against those back in the academy? Only the Justice is missing and we'd have a full set."

Sharply, Yolan freezes.

Vino drops his equipment, feeling like he is punched in the stomach and ran against a wall. By his own words no less.

...Meyrin...

Choking, he says, "when do you think we will attack again? Djibril is still in ORB, right?"


	9. Peace

Characters: Shinn Asuka, Lunamaria Hawke

Pairings: Implied ShinnxLuna

Word count: 242

Time frame: GSD post ep 50

* * *

Peace

* * *

The tri colored return flares of the battleships paint a beautiful lightshow through space. Lights fade and others take their place, intensity changing with distance. Fine streaks of mobile suits create delicate, ever-changing patterns.

Shinn, normally not a mind to appreciate beauty, is unable to tear his eyes away. Though it is not so much the beauty that captivates him, but what it symbolizes. The fighting, now, is over. The killing has come to an end. The war, looking at the cloud of dust and ash rising from Messiah, is close to its end as well.

He is crying, but why he doesn't know. If it is because he lost, if it is because Orb wasn't shot, if it is because the Destiny Plan failed. If he is relieved or crushed.

Luna is crying, too and he wonders what he did to make her cry.

Destiny and Impulse are lying behind them, immobile, powered down and broken into pieces. Shinn knows the Minerva is just as bad off.

_"What did you really want?"_

Shinn misses Mayu's cellphone in his hand as Athrun's voice is beating around in his head. He feels he needs the familiarity and cold comfort it gives him when Justice lands in front of them and offers a hand.

Even later Shinn will not be able to say what it was that made him accept.

It is the beginning of a choice. Maybe.


	10. Heavens

Characters: Kira Yamato, Lacus Clyne

Pairings: None

Word count: 233

Time frame: GS ep 32

* * *

Heavens

* * *

_Lightning flashed across the sky, only to be replaced by white flames of an explosion. Splattering rain on his face hurt. Sparks of electricity danced before his eyes. He didn't quite smell anything. Everything he saw, he saw through muddy haze of blurring colors and red hot anger. _

Pink-chan jumps up and down on his bed until Navy-chan bullies it down and the great mass of toys roll out of the pavilion.

_Lightning flashed across dark skies, rain platters on his screens. Red danced before his eyes. He lashed out at it. He felt rage, boiling in his blood. Again, white light of an explosion._

Glass doors slide open and Lacus and Pink-chan come back inside, bringing a tray of tea and cookies with them.

_He saw lightning flash and he couldn't tell if it was artificial, created from machines, or if it was from the heavens. He felt his muscles burn, his head was smashed under white hot fury. Grief and hate and the strain of combat. And red flashed across his vision and he saw it move and white hot flames swallowed his mind. _

"Athrun…," he asks,"...Did I…. kill…him?" He feels numb already, but he isn't quite sure what he'd do if…"Is…he…?"

Lacus smiles gently and relief leaves Kira in a boneless heap like he has never been before.


	11. World Shaking

Characters: Shinn Askua, Athrun Zala

Pairings: None

Word count: 230

Time frame: GSD ep 35

* * *

Wold Shaking

* * *

_"…Or maybe you would have preferred it if I was shot down…"_

It is a serious accusation, far past just any kind of acceptable disrespect. It is also made only to rile Athrun up as it is Shinn's way. Shinn doesn't actually belief it.

Athrun can only growl Shinn's name like a curse and doesn't care how much of his thoughts show on his face, with _Kira_ being before his eyes, and what were the _last words_ they _ever_ spoke resounding in his ears, but he figures that some part of it must have, because he can see how Shinn startles and angers when he realizes how he has unwittingly hit the truth.

Athrun does wish with all his heart the Impulse had been shot down instead.

At least Shinn would still be alive then. And even should the accidental have happened and Shinn would have died, then Kira would be grieving right now and not gloating about an undeserved and cruel victory.

Even barring that, which Athrun doesn't like to think about, he knows it to be the truth that he, Athrun, not the soldier, does put Kira's life second only to one.

So Shinn speaks the honest truth.

As the fight continues, Athrun can slowly feel the world tilt under his feet and turn back to how it is supposed to be…


	12. Loyalty

Characters: Yzark Jule, Dearka Elsman

Parings: None

Word count: 242

Time frame: GSD ep 49

* * *

Loyalty

* * *

_"Shall we go out for one and get shot down like everyone else?"_

It is a single question jokingly asked, completely in character with the green-coat's usual laid back attitude.

But: _So that we may truthfully tell our superiors that we indeed did fight. And that we just simply got shot down, disabled and were helpless like everyone else. That we can tell them that just because we are former comrades does not mean we didn't try fighting them. That we did so because it is our duty. That we can honestly ask in face of accusations: You are surprised we got shot down? Why is that? Everyone else got shot down as well. Or are you saying there are no mobile suit pilots more capable than us? Well our machines don't say that. _

Such all is implied with the single question by one Dearka Elsman. Along with: _Well, _look_ at them_.

Yzark yells at him a bit while actually saying that _we will not take such a cowardly way out_. And: _they, especially not that bastard, are _not_ better than me! _

Yzark, leaving, still tells his ship that they had better not get too close.

He likes his ship and his crew as much as he is capable of being fond of anything that isn't his friend and he has no illusions on what happens to any opponent getting within range of those very long beam-blades.


	13. Sickbay

Characters: Miriallia Haww, Meyrin Hawke

Pairings: None

Word count: 610

Time frame: GSD ep 38

* * *

Sickbay

* * *

She wakes up slowly, blinking blearily at the sterile ceiling. Her head swims and she feels uncomfortably warm and air comes to her strangely little. _Have to open a window_, she thinks and tries to get up.

The movement costs her, a moan escaping her lips as her vision phased in and out of focus.

The privacy screens are pulled back, and a brown dot of color enters Meyrin's sight. "You are awake," a feminine voice says, sounding relieved, and something is pressed to her lips. A straw. "Drink some," the voice encourages.

As soon as Meyrin does, she feels better. Cool liquid clears her head and lowers the uncomfortable heat, which Meyrin now thinks is not because of the room.

"I…," she starts, and only then she remembers. She grows tense. "Where…what…Athrun-san…?"

The woman is young, not much older than her. She smiles. "Don't worry. You are save and Athrun is alive as well." Exchanging a towel that Meyrin never noticed on her forehead, she continues, "You should rest. Everything else can be dealt with later."

Meyrin is too tired to argue and her thoughts are too active to sleep, but she drifts off and when she comes to again, the same girl is still sitting next to her, reading a magazine. Meyrin recognizes the Orb uniform now.

"Umm," she starts, unsure of what to say. She feels well enough to get up, but doesn't think she's allowed to.

She is met by two startling blue eyes and promptly greeted again with a smile. "Hi," she says and then helps Meyrin sit up, examining her skeptically before, apparently satisfied that the Coordinator does not look like she is going to faint, handing her some more water. Wordlessly, Meyrin obeys.

"I'm Miriallia Haww," Orb soldier says, refilling the glass completely once Meyrin has finished. "You are on the Archangel."

Meyrin doesn't choke, but she still spills some water on her hospital grown. The cool liquid on her hot skin feels pleasant.

The glass is still promptly taken from her by a worried looking brunette. "Are you alright?"

Meyrin nods. "I thought it was destroyed….?" But Athrun-san of course has said…

Miriallia Haww's expression turns grim. "It was a close thing. We escaped."

"Oh," says Meyrin, not sure what to think. It is the enemy ship on the one hand, but on the other Meyrin isn't ZAFT anymore and…"What about Athrun-san?"

"You are doing much better than him," the other informs, "but he'll survive."

Meyrin sighs in relief.

"If you don't mind my asking, what happened to put the two of you in a shot down mobile suit?" The inquire is carefully made, which Meyrin finds a bit strange considering it is standard procedure to question even random pick-ups, never mind known ZAFT soldiers. Carefully made, as if watching out for Meyrin's feelings.

"They were going to kill him," Meyrin answers. It is the first thing coming to mind. "And-", as Meyrin tells her recollection, a far cry from a proper report she is able to give under normal circumstances, Miriallia's expression becomes pensive and …something else.

The silence after Meyrin finishes is broken by the Orb ensign. "Athrun is very precious to us," she says softly, "I'm speaking for the entire ship when I say you have our gratitude." It is very earnestly said.

Meyrin feels slightly uncomfortable. She hasn't done anything to be thanked for.

Suddenly the young woman smiled again, waving her hand as if to dismiss Meyrin's worries along with the heavy mood. "What's your name by the way?"


	14. Siblings

Characters: Lunamaria Hawke, Shinn Asuka, Athrun Zala

Pairings: None

Word Count: 414

Time frame: GSD post ep 50

* * *

Siblings

* * *

Justice is received by the Eternal with no problem at all despite the passengers it brings along. Shinn and Lunamaria are mostly ignored as they float away from the mobile suit and, lost, wait for Athrun to exit.

Athrun is not so much ignored as ambushed by a couple of soldiers wearing ZAFT uniform, updating him on the absolutely newest information and relaying urgent requests of his presence to him. Athrun takes them with his professional face of a soldier, before he floats over to them.

He gives them both a slight upturn of his lips that Luna hesitates to call a smile with the sadness in his eyes and the tiredness of his posture. "Lacus is negotiating terms for a ceasefire," he says, "and I need to be ready to launch again for the search of survivors." Of which there will be plenty, seeing how most got shot down by him and Freedom. "If you wait a bit, I'm sure we can organize a shuttle for you. It-"

"What about Meyrin. I know she is here," Lunamaria interrupts him, harsher than she intended and both Athrun and Shinn winch. Both in guilt.

"She manages CIC," admits Athrun with a half shrug, "I don't know when her shift will be over."

Luna glares. "I'm not leaving before I see her, got that?" She takes Shinn's hand, a silent demand that he better not leave either.

"I wouldn't ask you to, just-", another half shrug, this apologetic. He looks very tired and Luna wonders if she and Shinn look the same. "Well, she is busy for now."

Luna continues to glare, the target switching once another ZAFT-dressed soldier floats towards them. She is not done with Athrun and Shinn hasn't even started yet with how he is unable to meet the eyes of the person he has repeatedly tried to kill.

"Admiral Yamato and Lady Lacus have negotiated terms for Orb and Terminal forces. Please be ready to launch, Colonel." The woman delivers, saluting and giving Shinn and Luna only a courteous glance.

Predictably, Athrun nods. He is a very exemplary soldier if it weren't for him defecting. "Show these two to a lounge, officer. They are ZAFT survivors and see if Officer Hawke of CIC can end her shift early." Athrun gestures at them. "They are her friends."

"Sir," the woman acknowledges and Athrun pushes himself off the ground and floats back towards the Justice.


	15. On the danger of presupposition

Characters: None

Parings: None

Word count: 362

Time frame: Battle of Messiah

* * *

On the danger of presupposition

* * *

Four names; two mobile suits, two assault ships.

No army, no fleet. Not even an especially strong force. But when one adds names… the Justice, the Freedom, the Archangel and the Eternal. Suddenly it is terrifying.

The winged White Angel, the armed Red Knight, the ship of Lady Lacus, the indestructible Bane of ZAFT.

An army they are not.

Sending mobile suits against the princesses' Knights is like leading lambs to the slaughter.

An army they are not needed to be.

They might be outnumbered a hundred or a thousand to one, but victory… Tying them in place with numbers, yes, hoping to win a game of time, yes, but taking them out is not possible.

In the beginning there is only a sense of detached surrealism and a persistent shadow of apprehension mixed with awe. Those are legends. Living legends and labels of their tales of skill are at the forefront of everyone's mind. But they also know that things are different now. That ZAFT is in the right this time, that two years have passed and things aren't the same.

Then, as time passes and no results come about, it is seen, wildly displayed that nothing has changed in the two years.

The two machines outmatch and outgun everyone and everything to a degree where it hardly makes a difference if the foes are just scrapped pieces of metal or if highly educated soldiers control them.

And it is seen, that the labels attached have never been enough to convey the awe felt at the skill, the ability, the raw talent, that the labels are paling compared to the dread and terror, the sheer sense of hopelessness that is being experienced now and has given birth to them two years ago.

And that, while the labels alone are enough to nurture hesitation and cold sweat and numbing fear.

The Freedom and Justice.

The Strike Freedom and Infinite Justice.

There is no difference at all.

The soldiers left in their suits, out of battle, damaged and immobile, can only watch and wait to witness the end of the war, helpless to do anything.


	16. A question of Friendship

Characters: Yzark Jule, Athrun Zala

Parings: None

Word count. 321

Time frame: GS post ep 46

* * *

A question of friendship

* * *

_"The pilot of Freedom is the same guy who used to pilot the Strike. He is Athrun's childhood friend."_

Yzark doesn't want to believe Dearka's words. He doesn't want to believe a single thing, be it about what Dearka thinks about the war, what might be happening to and around Yzark, or about what the traitor claimed about-

_"Get out of here! Do you want to die?"_

No, Yzark can't believe that _that one_ is the same as the one that cut Nicol in half and gave him his scar and that he has fought so angrily, desperately, obsessively with.

It doesn't make sense.

The Strike most definitely didn't hesitate in killing Nicol. So why hesitate in killing Yzark, to whom death should have come sooner than to the fifteen year old teammate.

_But_, whispers a voice in his head,..

_"Just say it, that it is my fault. That I should have died!"_

It fits.

_"Orders were destroy! What do you think you were doing?"_

It fits too well for it not to be true.

Ever since the Heliopolis Mission Athrun has been behaving nothing like the rival that has beaten Yzark at every little thing. Athrun has been off.

More so after Nicol.

And mostly so after he destroyed the Strike.

Yzark is not a good friend of Athrun, but he saw the difference all the same. That bastard hasn't been proud of his kill, of the revenge he successfully executed, not even of the medal or promotion. Instead there has been a look in his eyes whenever he was reminded.

Yzark doesn't like the bastard, but he knows Athrun well enough, being his teammate.

A dead look, that wondered why he is alive, not as Yzark thought, when Nicol isn't, but when the Strike isn't.

It is the truth.

That damn traitor!

…then what else is the truth?


	17. Difference

Characters: Athrun Zala

Parings: None

Word count: 610

Time frame: post GSD

* * *

Difference

* * *

Athrun's heart has never been on the _Minerva_.

Never.

He has never needed them.

His heart, sight and soul were invested on another ship, similar as it might be. Flying in a green bird of his making and a tied to a silver band on a blistered finger.

He has fought for the red and black ship, but he yearned for it to change to a brighter color.

He has never truthfully attempted to make friends on the _Minerva_. He has cared for them, yes, he has tried to keep them alive, yes, he has advised, yes, he has respected them, yes, and he worried, but he has never even once thought about knitting bonds with them.

It wasn't like he has consciously avoided doing so or that he has known he'd shoot at them one day or that he didn't like them. More simply, when his thoughts weren't directed to his work, dedicated towards peace and little death or when he wasn't busy preventing Shinn from going from doing the right thing wrongly to doing the wrong thing, they have automatically wandered far, far away to another ship, blue uniforms, brown hair, bright eyes, too many annoying pets.

In hindsight Athrun knows he could have never truly belonged to the _Minerva's_ crew. It simply wasn't… There wasn't anything bad about it, but Athrun has belonged to another. And that other is what he cared about, what he worried about, and what he cared about with all his heart.

The _Minerva_ in comparison… it wasn't like it wasn't important…but it just didn't compare…it simply wasn't the _Archangel_.

In hindsight Athurn wonders if it was his fault. If it is a bad thing that he was so limited in his thinking. Or maybe if it was a good thing. Because Athrun does belong to the _Archangel_. It is his home. What else could he possibly want?

Still, Athrun is a good soldier. He is very good at it.

So he wonders if his time on the Minerva was ever what it could have been or if his soldier mask kept it all at bay.

The mask he had a long time ago perfected so much that it held even through fighting his best friend to death.

Athrun doesn't like to think that he always only wore a mask on that ship. He doesn't want to believe he was that closed off. But anyway, he also knows it hadn't all been his decision.

He was Athrun Zala to them. The one who was famous, well known, respected. And that has built distance. Something between the crew and him that was born from his seniority. He was a veteran to them, while they were all rookies. That he wasn't just any veteran was just icing on the cake.

Maybe if that distance hadn't been there, if he had been as unknown as Kira, then the _Minerva_ and the _Archangel_ might have been equally important to him.

Or maybe it didn't matter.

Because it certainly wasn't like he has always been stoic, always calm, always collected on the _Minerva_. It was just… that people couldn't see past the façade he put up. And it they could, then they didn't poke at it, didn't question it, didn't pay him company. There was too much distance between them. Distance that was only widened by the rank he held.

In the end he never shows the _Minerva_ any mercy and deals the final blow himself.

And he cannot bring himself to fell any guilt about it.


	18. On the Archangel

Characters: Meyrin Hawke, Miriallia Haww, Arnold Neumann

Pairings: Implied KiraxLacus, less implied AthrunxCagalli

Word count: 690

Time frame: post second battle of Orb

* * *

On the Archangel

* * *

Meyrin doesn't quite know what to think. She has seen the interaction between them and the relationships between the four of them are almost painted out with neon-signs, but it somehow still sends Meyrin's mind to a screeching halt.

In other words, she needs some clarifications.

Athrun-san has been confined to the sickbay yet again with strict captain's orders to rest and anyhow Meyrin still mostly lacks the courage to even speak in his presence never mind ask personal questions.

So she goes to the next best source. Miriallia Haww, the Archangel's CIC officer, is very nice and has spend a lot of her time tending to Meyrin when she was sick, and the former ZAFT thinks she is the only person she can approach.

This is why she is now sitting in the cantina, some food before her as she wonders how to best bring the subject up without seeming rude or inconsiderate. Or making it look like she wants to poke her nose into business that isn't hers.

She doesn't know why, but suddenly Miriallia and a blue haired man, who she knows to belong to the bridge crew, look at her expectantly. Also kindly. So far Meyrin has not met a single person on this ship that has been anything but sincerely kind to her, and not in a sense of pity.

"What is it, Hawke-san?" The man asks, and Meyrin wonders how long they have been watching her lost in her own mind.

Meyrin bites her lip and shifts in her seat. _Luna isn't here to hide behind_, she thinks as she blurts out what has been on her mind since Infinite Justice came from space. "Isn't Athrun-san engaged to Lacus-sama?"

The Orb officers look a bit taken aback by the question, having probably expected something less…gossip like.

The man leaves the conversation up to Miriallia and turns to his coffee, a grin playing on is lips.

Miriallia-san is smirking and abruptly Meyrin wonders if the Archangel has gotten amusement out of watching…Meer-san.

"They were," the brunette agrees, "but it was broken off years ago. With mutual understanding and romantic interest in quite different people."

That is what Meyrin has wanted confirmed, but she isn't sure what to believe now. Athrun-san is…

"I remember, Arnold-san," the CIC continues, grinning, directed at the man, "didn't Murdoch-san start a betting pool? On if Cagalli would end up with Athrun or Kira?"

"Now that you mention it," Arnold-san grins too, eyes laughing as they get lost in memories. "Didn't Dearka try to abort it when Lacus-san joined? He said something about it being a fraud now because-"

"-even a blind man wouldn't bet against _those two_. He complained about the money lost for weeks afterwards. Believe me, I know." Miriallia-san rolls her eyes good naturedly.

"And it only got worse when Cagalli lost that picture once. You know, in the hanger. Half the crew had already seen it by the time she got it back. Captain Ramius almost had a full-blown rebellion on her hands because everyone demanded their money back, didn't she?"

"And the four people in question never noticed."

"Who never noticed what?"

All three winch at the new arrival and Meyrin bits her lip as Miriallia-san expertly switches topic. "Oh, nothing Kira. How is Athrun? Were Best Friend Rights sufficient or did you have to execute Representative Orders and tie him to the bed?"

Kira-san smiles fondly, a sad tinge to it. "He was tired enough that I didn't have to resort to drastic measures. I wish he wouldn't always ignore his body, though. It's not healthy," he frowns.

Meyrin sees the others throw the Coordinator disbelieving looks. Meyrin thinks she rather has to agree; Kira-san is in no position to criticize anyone's working habits.

Miriallia-san voices the unspoken thought with a snort. "I'll remind you of that in a few hours when you forget it's time to sleep."


	19. Mother

Characters: Kira Yamato, Caridad Yamato

Pairings: None

Word count: 461

Time frame: Gs post ep 50

* * *

Mother

* * *

Kira is afraid.

He can admit that freely.

It is a different fear from the one he has experienced lately. It is not the fear of having to change into a flight suit to take his place in a cockpit, not the fear of having to pull a trigger, not the fear of seeing one blast too late, not the fear of doing something wrong. It isn't the terror of being too weak, not the terror that freezes him whenever he thinks about the death of people he can't see die, not the terror of being unable to protect.

No, that kind of fear is over.

He is angry.

He cannot admit that freely.

It is an emotion that Kira has tried not to feel for some time now. Anger leads to death and destruction. He knows that better than he ever wished to and as a consequence he doesn't like to feel anger. And he mostly doesn't. He isn't a temperamental person, never got angry easily, so it isn't much of a problem to always feel only sadness and resignation instead. Anger reminds him of the Aegis and the Strike, both of which don't exist anymore because of it.

But he is still a bit angry.

Mostly he is scared.

Kira has avoided seeking out his parents despite the war being over. They worry about him, he knows they must have been terrified of him fighting.

He knows they must have hurt when it took him this much time to come.

But he is scared, because when he sees them again, he will know that they aren't his parents. He is scared because he is so incredibly grateful that they have loved him and that he never knew.

But he is also angry because he didn't know, while they knew. He is sure his parents must have known, because looking back on his life, he can see how they have tried to keep him hidden and stay save, away from anywhere where he could possibly find out or be noticed.

He is angry at his own existence.

Kira rings the doorbell.

His coming today has been taken out of his hands with Cagalli making the call, Athrun giving him a _look_, and Lacus seeing him off. With the knowledge that he is expected.

It hardly takes a few seconds before the door flies open and his mother stands in front of him. For the first time in months of war and insecurity.

She doesn't hug him and Kira wonders what Cagalli has told her, but she has been crying, is crying now and just seeing her makes Kira cry as well, reminded of everything that has broken in his life.

He hugs her.


	20. Choice

Characters: Meyrin and Lunamaria Hawke, Shinn Asuka, Athrun Zala

Pairings: None

Word count: 970

Time frame: GSD post ep 50

* * *

Choice

* * *

"The next time I see him," Luna rants, "If he doesn't look that pathetic, mind you, I'm going to lay a beating on him! How dare he? He just-"

There are still tears drifting around in the air. Meyrin catches a few with her sleeves and wipes her eyes once more to be sure that no new ones leave her as Luna lists all the terrible things she will do to Athrun for dragging Meyrin into his desertion.

"I offered my help," Meyrin repeats, cutting her sister off after a few more minutes, knowing it to be futile. She smiles. She has not had contact with a person with a temper since she has left the _Minerva._ "It wasn't his fault."

"What was whose fault?" A voice breaks in, sounding tired but also a bit amused. They all jump. Being in a relatively secluded lounge they had forgotten they weren't alone. Shinn whirls around violently and Meyrin once again doesn't know what to make of the hot-head's expression. Shinn has been behaving a bit strangely as far as Meyrin could tell.

"You. Meyrin." Luna states it flatly, narrowing her eyes at Athrun as he comes floating in. "But you still look pathetic so I'll let you off for now."

"Thanks," says the former ZAFT ace, "I appreciate it." He honestly means it, too tired to be tied into a fight with Luna or to catch her ire. He looks like a corpse, so pale, as he sips on a bottle.

Suddenly Meyrin blinks. "What are you doing here, Athrun-san? Aren't you supposed to be still out?"

"Yeah," he agrees, sliding an arm over his eyes as if he'd like to go to sleep there and then. Meyrin notices her sister and Shinn's eyes widen. They aren't used to Athrun doing anything that isn't within the military standard procedures. "But I was advised to take a break. Apparently overworking isn't healthy and I better conveniently rest _now_, while certain two ZAFT pilots are still here." He sighs, muttering, "the hypocrite," fondly under his breath and Meyrin stifles a laugh.

With that one comment Meyrin knows it was Kira-san who managed to convince Athrun to come by. As far as Meyrin knows there is only one person in existence who can change Athrun's mind with words only. And it is not Lacus-san or Cagalli-sama.

She can see it in her mind's eye, how Athrun just wants to throw his hands up in defeat when arguing with his best friend. Copernicus particularly comes to mind, but she shoves that memory far down.

Meanwhile, Shinn and Luna look at Athrun still strangely and when he finally notices, he just sighs again. "So, well, I guess we better have a talk. Before we might never see each other again." Before their eyes Athrun slowly wipes his exhaustion off his face, becoming more composed and the person they have known on the _Minerva_.

Meyrin can see it startles the other two and she knows what it feels like, but she has become increasingly used to…well…just Athrun, no being a soldier attached, and can see the effort that he puts into this.

He exhales deeply. The two ZAFT pilots tense. "I owe you an apology, Lunamaria. I'm sorry for pulling Meyrin into my troubles and I'm sorry for the grief it caused you." He pauses, looking intensely at the red-head. Luna breaks eye contact first. Meyrin can't say she is surprised.

Then he turn his attention to Shinn, and the younger pilot winches. Athrun pinches the bridge of his nose. "Shinn," he starts, then trails off apparently at a loss of words. He starts again. "Shinn..." His tone was full of resigned frustration, but again nothing more comes.

He sighs deeply.

Shinn, turning red with anger, snaps. "What?!" Meyrin used to be afraid of Shinn when he lost his temper. She can't say him almost killing them did anything to help that problem. "You got something to say, Zala? Then say it!" He is breathing heavily. His eyes are red.

True to form Athrun lets the outburst pass right by him. Instead he smiles grimly. "I don't have much to say to you, Shinn. Other than I'm sorry for not being able to help you see past the Chairman's words. But I don't think you want to hear that."

"Damn straight!"

Athrun doesn't say anything more, enduring Shinn's heated glare.

The sisters glance at each other anxiously, not quite sure what to do if anything.

"Rey was on Messiah," the eldest of them finally says after a long pause.

"What?" Shinn's head snaps around, his face losing all color. It is something Meyrin hasn't known and she and Luna stare at Athrun. He probably doesn't notice, too focused on Shinn. "How do you know?"

"I was there."

Shinn isn't pale anymore. Instead the whiteness comes from fury. "And you just left him?" he whispers, voice quiet and it scares Meyrin.

Athrun shakes his head. No, he isn't that kind of person. "He chose to stay behind." Explaining doesn't mean much to Shinn when he is enraged, but Athrun will always try. "He wasn't hurt and could have left whenever he wanted, but he chose to stay."

"You _left_ him!"

"He _chose_ to stay! He shot the Chairman and then chose to stay with Captain Gladys." He is resolute in this. "I'm sorry." He gives a nod before leaving. He has said everything he wanted and needed. Meyrin knows this. If Shinn and Luna are still there when he returns, then maybe, he can say some more still.


	21. Shade of imagination

Characters: Meer Cambell, Lacus Clyne

Pairings: None

Word count: 580

Time frame: GSD post ep 26

* * *

Shade of imagination

* * *

Who is Lacus Clyne?

Meer has asked herself this for as long as she has been helping out as Lady Lacus. The question has always been on her mind, repeated multiple times daily to play her role as good as possible. It has become a mantra in the back of her mind, monotone, that Meer has forgotten it is there in the first place.

Maybe it has slowly been answered with 'me'.

And that startles her.

When her shuttle has been stolen it took her a long time to understand that it was not an imposter but Lady Lacus herself who did it.

When the thought occurred to her, she has been back to PLANT for days already.

There are many things she wonders now. Like will her substituting come to an end soon? Or why did Lady Lacus steal a shuttle and risk being shot down when she could have simply gone to the Chairman and asked for one?

Why is she still hiding? Why is she allowing Meer to take her place?

What does it all mean?

Meer has no answer to this questions and she is still not able to admit that she might not want to know the answers.

But she stll thinks.

Lady Lacus hijacked Meer's shuttle.

An act that has more dangers involved that Meer cares to know.

Surely there were other options; subtle but less dangerous.

But Lady Lacus didn't choose them and instead proved her courage by impersonating Meer and taking her place by stealing a shuttle from a ZAFT base.

Evidently, there is more to Lady Lacus than public appearances.

She is, Meer was reminded that day, a war hero. And she is supported by other war heroes.

Meer imagines what it is like to have something like the Freedom or Athrun being there for her. At her word.

She remembers the crushed, utterly annihilated base and thinks it is scary and very heartwarming. It also makes her feel hollow, but she doesn't understand why.

She wonders what Athrun has to say about shooting at his fiancée and her only barely escaping.

She also wonders what it would be like to be protected like that. Just her. To be cared for like that. Not her image.

The Freedom, so Meer understands it, threatened her and all those who know of her as Meer with its appearance. She thinks the Freedom said to her _'taking Lacus' duties is fine, speaking for her is fine, but shooting at her is not and remember that. or else'_.

She thinks with that extra tour by the control center, the Freedom gave a special warning and reminder. _You are not her_. The Freedom does not fight for Meer. One of many who don't fight for Meer. Don't care for Meer.

_Meer is not Lacus. _

There is so much she doesn't know about Lady Lacus. How can she be Lady Lacus when Meer knows so little about her? There are only her public appearances at theaters, her support of few projects and hardly even one interview.

Meer doesn't know anything about the woman called the White Queen. What she is like.

Not just behind the scenes, but her other side.

What made her take command of a warship? How was she able to lead so many different sides from war to peace? _How_ does she command a warship for that matter?

Meer can hardly even tell surface and space ships apart.

Meer is not Lacus.


	22. Guilt

Characters: Athrun Zala, Meyrin Hawke, Kira Yamato

Pairings: None

Word count: 727

Time frame: GSD pre ep 39

* * *

Guilt

* * *

Sitting and watching Athrun like this, Kira feels resentment and anger at the Chairman gather under his skin and it only strengthens his resolve. What kind of world could Durandal possibly desire to build that Athrun has to be disposed of?

Kira doesn't know and at this point he isn't sure he cares. First Lacus, then Cagalli and Kira himself and now finally Athrun.

Athrun turns a bit, his head rolling to the side and strands of his hair that aren't plastered to his skin with bandages fall in his face. Kira brushes them away; it wouldn't do to have him sneeze and reopen his wounds.

Seeing him like this hurts.

His best friend is wounded, bleeding, almost dead, weak and broken on the inside. His skin is pale, looking sickly and it _hurts_.

Is it too much to ask to just simply live in peace, to be able to talk without clashing of high-tech weaponry between them?

He swallows the tears prickling in his eyes when he hears the door slide open.

"…excuse me."

He has expected his sister again. Cagalli is only away from Athrun's side when she is pulled, much like Kira himself, but unexpectedly the girl standing in the door is not blond.

He smiles at the red-head, getting up from the only chair in the room immediately as he greets her.

"Are you sure you should be up, Meyrin-san?" She is still attached to an IV and can only walk when leaning against the wall.

She hesitates as Kira gestures for her to sit. "Thank you…"

"Kira Yamato," he says. It isn't the first time they interact, but while the entire ship knows her name, Meyrin-san is still sick and adapting to her new circumstances. It is no surprise she can't remember everyone she meets. "I visited you a few days ago with Miriallia."

She blushes a bit, nodding as she turns her gaze to Athrun.

For a while they only stare in silence as Athrun sleeps and Kira wonders if he has made everyone worry like this as well when he got shot down.

...Definitely.

Especially Athrun, because he didn't even know Kira was still alive.

Kira needs to apologize for that. He knows if their roles were reversed, then…

"How is he?"

Kira blinks. "He woke up once. The doctor says the more sleep he gets now, the better."

Meyrin-san nods and Kira remembers something.

"Thank you," he tells her and she startles. Kira continues. "I couldn't help him when he needed it and…Thank you very much."

She bits her lip. Meyrin-san is very shy, only more so now that she is surrounded and cared for by strangers. "Do you know Athrun-san well?"

Does Kira know Athurn well? Almost as well as Kira knows himself. He can't quite remember a time when he didn't know Athrun. They were only ever separated those two years before the Bloody Valentine's War. Kira knows Athrun inside out, can read his thoughts on his face and there is no one he trusts his back to as much as Athrun.

So the answer is: yes, better than anyone else still alive in the world. "We are very good friends," he says simply.

For some reason that seems to surprise her more than anything else today and Kira can only conclude in resignation that Athrun must have been lonely on the Minerva if him having a friend is such a surprise. He can see it; how Athrun focuses on his work and duty, almost obsessively, and how it prevents him from gaining any ties.

If only Kira had been a better friend, maybe it wouldn't have come so far. Maybe Athrun wouldn't have almost died again…

He sighs.

"Athrun-san was always very busy," Meyrin-san says in response to Kira's thoughts, her eyes not leaving the unconscious form lying on the bed. "He tried to keep Shinn in line, and I don't think he had much time for other things."

"Maybe not," agrees Kira. Athrun likes to be busy, feels easily guilty and takes everything on himself. Kira fears that when his best friend awakes he has to talk him out of feeling responsible for the entire damn war. "But it is different now."


	23. Killing

Characters: Athrun Zala, Dearka Elsman, Miriallia Haww, Sai Argyle

Pairings: None

Word count: 435

Time frame: GS post ep 40

* * *

Killing

* * *

Miriallia freely admits she has been avoiding Kira. Though, it is probably better to specify not Kira, but instead the person he spends virtually all his time with.

Best friends, very obviously.

She is perfectly justified in it, of course, and no one even looked at her twice for it. Not even Kira. Indeed, some almost applaud her for it. It isn't regular occurrence to come face to face with your boyfriend's killer and then to be able to refrain from pulling a gun on him.

But Miriallia manages, in fact.

She can almost completely banish the thought from her mind.

She is busy enough for that and practically spends no time at all alone anyway so she has no time to dwell on it.

Problem being only that the _Archangel_ isn't that big and running into them, particularly him, is of course only a question of time.

Miriallia has hoped to win game against time and avoid them both till the war is over or death finally caught up with them.

Alas, no such luck. Preceded and announced by Torii, Miriallia expects Kira to enter the cafeteria. It isn't. Torii lands on Athrun Zala's head, hopping up and down and then settling on his shoulder.

Torii never stays with anyone other than Kira, Miriallia thinks. Apparently Athrun Zala poses the lone exception to that rule.

She clenches a fork in her fist and only notices too late that with Dearka sitting with her and Kira not being here, the killer of her boyfriend would of course chose to come to the next best person: his teammate.

She is clenching her teeth, whole body frozen stiff and can't bring herself to move. Dearka throws her a cautious glance as Zala joins them. Next to her Sai shifts.

Being a very reserved person, Athrun hardly spends time with anyone other than Kira, so Miriallia can't imagine what made him come to them. Kira wouldn't have possibly…?

Miriallia listens with half an ear to the flat conversation, trying to find the courage to move.

"Where's Kira?"

"He fell asleep." An exasperated sigh. "In Freedom."

Dearka snorts. Fake. "What? Like an oversized plush toy?"

"And you didn't wake him?" Half-accusing. From Sai.

A miniature pause. "He needs the rest."

Silence.

"Anyway Dearka, Murdoch-san wants you down in the hanger."

Groaning. "Alright. Alright. But again?"

He is grumbling some more but still gets up immediately, drawing Zala along with him.

Miriallia is shaking when they are gone.

A hand rests on her shoulder. "You did very well," says Sai.

Miriallia doesn't think so.

She has to do _better_.


	24. Déjà vu

Characters: Neo Roanoke

Pairings: None

Word count: 539

Time frame: GSD post ep 23

* * *

Déjà vu

* * *

Being well versed in military history, Neo Roanoke, has, of course, known what the Freedom is capable of.

That said, he has still stared and not believed his eyes.

What the Freedom has done at the Battle of Suez to both Orb military and Earth Forces military has been impossible.

He still, days after the fact, has doubts of what he saw.

It is, after all, impossible.

Or rather, it was impossible until that day. And he previously thought himself to have a very broad horizon.

Even just thinking about it now, Neo finds it just a tad ridiculous, bordering on pathetic. The fight was what? ZAFT's ace ship with a couple of Ace Pilots vs an entire highly advanced and individually capable fleet of Orb mobile suits and ships plus Phantom Pain and then some.

Discounting that only few have died, he still calls it a massacre. Point blank.

By the Freedom.

In fifteen minutes or so.

Now he is searching the archives for more. He does not want to be stuck gaping again should the Ship of Traitors choose to interfere in the future.

The battle of Alaska is the first one he comes across. How the Earth Forces, when they were supposedly annihilated to the _last man_, have a record of it, Neo doesn't particularly want to know.

But they have one.

Watching it, he feels a strong sense of a déjà vu.

Alaska and Suez happened remarkably similar.

The Freedom shoots down everything in sight, guards the Archangel, and wants to end the fight as is quite clear by the respective voice messages.

Never mind the Orb Representative, in Alaska, the Freedom's pilot's voice is young, familiar, and very much believable; charismatic. Neo puts the estimate around fifteen, maybe sixteen, which would make the pilot now around eighteen.

That young and such power. It is a fighting thing, he thinks, having his three charges in mind.

A difference between the battles however is, he notes, that a few days ago the Freedom happily tore only the mobile suits apart and was far less occupied with protecting its mother ship.

While it is understandable and reflects well on the Archangel, it means trouble for Neo.

He searches a bit more, fast forward till the Battle of Jachin-Due; more specifically the decimating of the nuclear attacks.

Neo finds he is very glad that the Eternal is a space-bound ship and that Freedom and Justice's special equipment is not available on the surface. Were it different, he can almost see himself throwing his hands up in defeat and just go to drink tea. The thought almost makes him smile.

Without equipment fifteen minutes. With equipment, were it possible, maybe, _very maybe_, three minutes.

He is also very glad the Justice isn't available either.

Well.

…Well.

Now he is done with that and quite adjusted, he can focus on dealing with all of them. The _Archangel_, the _Minerva_ and the Freedom.

Or better yet, focus on letting Orb deal with them.

The past is the past and he has no intentions of it letting it repeat. The past cannot be changed, but the future is a different thing altogether.

And fortunately even angels fall.


	25. Terror

Characters: Nameless Redcoat

Pairings: None

Word count: 404

Time frame: GSD ep 39

* * *

Terror

* * *

He is fighting, so he doesn't have much time to think, but the bit of him that isn't occupied with teamwork, predictions, pulling triggers, aiming at the lone colorful ship, flipping switches and otherwise controlling the GOOF, wonders who it is that they are fighting, seeing how they have the _Eternal_ and the Gaia.

There is a momentary lull in battle as a new mobile suit is launched from the reddish ship.

In the changing light of space he briefly notices it to have wings and a color pattern he isn't familiar with. Conclusion: an unknown model. Probability of a new model: high.

The deduction is proven true when the suit's movements and maneuvers are startling fast and two GOOFs are taken down within the span of seconds.

It leaves a bitter aftertaste in his mouth as he, too far away still, watches others engage it. He is no amateur as a red-coat and survivor of Jachin-Due, but what that new model pulls there is great skill.

He wonders how much is mobile suit performance and how much is the pilot's, but decides that in the end it doesn't matter.

One mobile suit cannot possible win against these odds. The Gaia, being a top model and still outmatched, proves it.

He knows of only two capable of the needed feat, and both are gone now.

He is forcibly thrown back to focus when another wave is avoided seemingly effortlessly, and he supposes it is fortunate for him that _now_, unlike the last time he saw the _Eternal_, the-

His breath hitches, in a split second something that feels a lot like fear fills his stomach.

…white and blue…

…wings…

…disabling, not destroying…

He gets too good a look at his screens as the enemy suit moves in so fast he can barely follow it even on the monitors.

He freezes.

His blood runs cold.

His hands clench the controls.

His movements turn jerky.

His helmet fogs with hot breath.

All within a single moment before he is completely overcome by gut quenching terror.

He shoots, pressing buttons and switches and pulls, pulls, _pullspullspulls_ triggers, but it does _nothing_-

A flash and warnings flare and his weapons are gone and he is shaking, trembling uncontrollably in his cockpit as he watches the battle soar out of control. The ZAFT Forces completely crushed.

_"The Freedom!"_


	26. Heavy Conflict

Characters: Athrun Zala

Pairings: Implied AthrunxCagalli

Word count: 503

Time frame: GSD post ep 28

* * *

Heavy conflict

* * *

Athrun does not hear the even more than normal whispers following everywhere. The stares seeking him do not make him uncomfortable, don't make him fight down annoyance. He doesn't even notice them.

He doesn't hear how they mutter behind his back about old comrades and allegiances and defections. Doesn't feel guilty when subdued glances of accusation are shot in his direction.

Later Athrun will be quite unable to remember the days following the Battle of Crete, having walked through them on autopilot while his mind was replaying memories before his eyes.

_Kira and Torii on the moon-_

_-Nicol and Blitz and the Strike's sword-_

_-Heine and the remains of his GOOF-_

_-Cagalli crying and holding a gun in his face-_

_-Lacus in her fine blue stage dress, Haro in her hands and resolution in her eyes-_

_-the Archangel-_

_-the Freedom-_

_-Justice-_

_-Kira, _finally_ smiling again, not broken-_

_-Cagalli, crying._

He almost runs into a door, before he pulls himself back together. He pushes the handle with a detached sense of surrealism. The hand he sees doesn't feel like his and he looks at it once, clenching a fist to make sure it really belongs to him.

Shaking his head, he tries to clear his mind, but it doesn't work. On the contrary, he feels pulled back to the last time he has tried this hard to not think about something.

Today the memory still twists his insides sharply and makes the world sway before his eyes. Echos of blind rage and cold touch of dark despair.

Sighing, he glances around the pilot lounge and blinks in surprise when he realizes he isn't alone.

Lunamaria quickly averts her eyes when their eyes meet. Her arm is still in a cast. For some reason Athrun thinks she looks guilty.

She has nothing to feel bad about for. Unlike him.

_Kira's eyes widened with hurt and the quiet look of guilt-_

_-the silver glinting almost red in the sun-_

_-cold accusations and desperate demands-_

_-soft words spoken like in prayer-_

_-ache written out for him to read on identical expressions-_

_-eyes glistering with unspoken tears._

He swallows, leaning his head against a wall. He doesn't _understand_ and that is something that has never happened before. So why now? How? He knows Kira better than anyone. Cagalli, too.

So he can't understand why, when they all are so very much the same and desire the same, he and Kira have fought yet again.

It is not something that should have happened.

To Athrun, not fighting against Kira is a law of the universe.

But this one rule has been broken now.

What does it mean?

He searches his memories, tries to tell right from wrong, truth from lie.

And the more he remembers, the more his conviction wavers. His longing to be back with Cagalli and Kira in peace, previously a drive for his re-enlistment, turns on itself.


	27. Distraction

Characters: Minerva bridge crew; Arthur Trine

Pairings: None

Word count: 404

Time frame: GSD ep 43

* * *

Distraction

* * *

"Mobile suit launched from _Archangel,"_ announces Abby. Arthur, while surprised they still had troops in reserve at this point, tries to focus only on the opening the launch provides. A few heartbeats later the opening is used,and gone. Failed. Not surprisingly.

"Searching in library…no match," adds Mark. That is not a good sign. Mobile suits that aren't listed, are new models. New models mean better models.

The Minerva shakes from impact. Arthur quickly checks the ship's readings. No damage. The new mobile suit apparently is not released for anti-ship combat. That is good. Arthur has enough to deal with the _Archangel_ alone. That ship is, in his humble opinion, impossible persistent.

"Confirming visual…," Mark continues. When no match can be found according to heat patterns, then visuals are the next source of information. In many cases new models are based on older ones and assumptions on manufacturer, abilities and associations can be made. Arthur Trine tries to block the analysis out. He needs to focus on anti-ship combat and as long as the new suit is not attacking the _Minerva_ directly he is free to learn all about it later. Such is his thought process within a split second of his Coordinator mind.

Maybe ten seconds have passed since the initial announcement.

"Th-This is," Mark stumbles over his words. "_The Justice_!"

Gasps filled the bridge and Arthur himself does a double take in Mark's direction, spluttering. Stunned silence lasts for a couple of seconds before the visual is brought up on screen. Hypnotically it pulls all eyes towards it.

Red, flight pack, shield, and infinitely more details that fine differences that leave no doubt about the suit's identity and predecessor. The Justice. _The one and only Justice_.

"Ma'am?" Arthur can't help but ask. It can't….If that is…

"Ignore it," the Captain instructs, quickly. "It is our enemy. Shoot it when it comes in range."

Arthur briefly glances at the Captain's clenched fists, before turning back to his terminal. "Understood."

Engaged with the Archangel, he still occasionally looks at the screen displaying their mobile suits' battle. The Freedom, the Justice, fighting Legend and Destiny. Evenly. He is be a little slow at times, but even Arthur has little doubt concerning the identities of both pilots.

To fight against their Super Ace and not lose, they have to be the genuine thing.

Athrun Zala. No doubt, he thinks.

The Captain has no doubt, either.


	28. White Queen

Characters: Lacus Clyne

Pairings: None

Word count: 260

Time frame: GSD

* * *

White Queen

* * *

The White Queen was born from bloodshed, death and tragedy.

The war spiraled out of control, taking the world along with it and even the Lady's secure little paradise fell. She, herself, had been touched by it long before, looked at it long before and her sight had been set at it long before she made her move.

Her father's death, out of the two of them, was the seemingly more important priority, but it turns out to a fake triumph for the White Queen is more than just a figure head.

The more darkness piles up behind her, the brighter she glows, the more she attracts.

She is a symbol of peace and hope, of all that is good with humanity. But it is not all she is. Her words sway people to her side. It is her actions that keep them there.

She does not only speak pretty words, but she proves their truth; ready to be just like everyone else.

The irony of it all is apparent to the observant spectator's eye.

On the battlefield and in war the White Queen has more power than any other time. Knights and angels gather beside her, flock around her and stand in her service. It is at her word that they fight, under her name that they unite and it makes her the most dangerous. And just as her servants actions reflect back at her, her presence is extended to them. They are seen and it is known that it is _her_, standing behind them.

The White Queen has many hands; spinning faithful servants from traitors, deserters and cowards.

Or so they think…

No one seems capable of seeing the truth of give and take.


	29. Simple Conflict

Characters: Lunamria Hawke, Athrun Zala, Kira Yamato

Pairings: None

Word count: 453

Time frame: GSD post ep 28

* * *

Simple conflict

* * *

Luna is trying her best to obey the Captain's orders, but it isn't that easy and the conversation she has overheard was not of a nature that is easily forgotten. Thanks to the intensity, the possible state secrets, the highly unexpected emotional level…

So occasionally thoughts ambush her.

It is quite a bother. She can't even look at Athrun without flashing back. Or having guilt flood her cheeks.

In this particular moment, in the pilot's lounge, with first rate view of the demolished mobile suits from the last battle and no one but Athrun, who is completely out of it, for company she can't help but be reminded.

_"I don't want to shoot. Please don't make me."_

The words have made an impression on her. She won't deny that. Muttered softly, pleading almost. From the person she deduced later to be the pilot of Freedom of all people. It has blindsided her. It should have sounded like hypocrisy, but strangely, at the time it hadn't.

It is only now that Luna sees it as such; all mobile suits except Impulse down and the Savior most of all. By someone who said he doesn't want to shoot.

It is hypocrisy. By all accounts it should be. Luna only still hesitates to think of it as such, because quite obviously Athrun, who took the bunt of it and has the most right to judge, doesn't.

Luna doesn't know what Athrun thinks of the matter, though. He has been more closed off than ever lately, but he does not seem to harbor any ill feelings. Despite essentially being told to stay out of this, to go on reserve, to get out of the way. Or something. But again, Athrun would know best how to interpret his defeat.

Luna can only make assumptions.

_"I don't want to shoot. Please don't make me."_

Maybe, she thinks rationally, the words convey another meaning. Something she, as an outsider, doesn't understand.

She tugs at her bandages, and glances over at Athrun only to be met by the startling green of his eyes. Quickly she looks away, frustrated.

Whatever it is, the meeting with his old comrades and the subsequent battle has hit him hard in a different sense from the damage she took.

Without knowing more about Athrun, without being a closer friend, she can't help him though. It was a struggle to get his attention even before. Still, she hopes it will turn out alright, that Athrun will recover, and that Shinn will put down on his ego a bit.

He is sadly a bit impossible to be around at the moment…


	30. Liberty

Characters: Kira Yamato

Pairings: None

Word count: 581

Time frame: post GSD

* * *

Liberty

* * *

Kira hated the Strike.

It was a machine that brought nothing but misfortune. To him it was a symbol of all that had gone wrong in the damned war. He fought for his life with it, for others' lives in it, he depended on it, it protected him and it served him, but Kira utterly loathed it.

It had power, but not enough.

All blood that spelled Kira into darkness was on the Strike's hands.

It was with the Strike that he fought Athrun. It was that machine that killed Athrun's friend.

Were it not for the Strike, then Kira would have never piloted a mobile suit, never been drawn into the war, never would have taken a single life or ever pulled a trigger.

Kira fought Athrun to death with the Strike. He tried to kill his best friend with the Strike.

The Strike was a burden and a curse. He fought with it because he had _no_ choice. It chained him to war and bloodshed and battle. It crippled him with duty and responsibility and complexity.

The Freedom is different from the Strike. Not so much as for its power, but for what it means to Kira.

He was not blackmailed into it. From the very beginning it has been his _choice_ to pilot it. And that almost makes all the difference.

Make no mistake, he hates Freedom as well, however that is simply because it is a weapon and tool of war.

Freedom is something that he needs. He needs it to fight, because Freedom is not weak. It has the power Kira needs to protect and it has always been used for only that.

Freedom is a choice and the lives he has taken with it were never taken with intent to do so. For he has taken lives with it. Many more so than with the Strike.

His time with his first mobile suit is rather short in comparison and while it feels much longer in his head, the fact is, the deaths he has caused with the Strike he can probably count and identify. If he had the courage. The battles were harsh, but limited.

Especially with Strike Freedom the deaths are too many to count.

Kira's aim is perfect, down to an inch with miles between him and his target. Even with manual control. But there are many things that cannot be done with perfect aim. Against battleships: How many soldiers were near the parts he blew up? How many more died in Damage Control?

Kira doesn't know.

Not to forget are all those listed as MIA.

The casualties are incredibly low compared to how they could have been, true, but they are still too high.

Still: Freedom is his sword and his wings, it is a shield and guardian. Freedom is what make it possible for Kira to fulfill his _chosen_ purpose. By his own will.

Even if only for that, he is the smallest bit fond of them. He will of course not deny that having gotten both from Lacus plays a role in his opinions.

Kira prefers not to care for power, but sadly their world is not such and he needs it for protection. If power, then Freedom.

That is…has to be enough...


End file.
